The Ultimate Vegan Survival Guide


The Ultimate Vegan Survival Guide


For a lifestyle that offers so much, veganism sure does get a lot of adverse publicity. Given that going vegan means a kinder, more compassionate lifestyle, better health and a greener world, it’s wild to think that that adverse publicity even exists – but it does!

Ranging from the simply mis-informed, through to the downright malicious, non-vegans simply love to throw as many omnivorous curve-balls as possible to try and catch vegans out.  So, here’s your guide to whacking those back out of the park and scoring a vegan home-run every time.


How Do You Live Without Cheese?

Human life needs many things to live, thrive and prosper – sanitation, shelter, education and laws being some of the most basic, yet simultaneously important, factors of all.  However, unsurprisingly to vegans, but seemingly surprisingly to an awful lot of non-vegans, Cheddar or Brie aren’t of the same vital importance as say fresh water or oxygen.

As a vegan, I need a roof over my head like any other. However, what I don’t need is Colby Jack or any other dairy based product that is so full of fat that it is one above eating Vaseline. 

When studying nearby planets for signs of life, the boffins at NASA are looking for a whole range of things – none of which are cheese-based.

Cheese is not the food equivalent of the ozone layer, despite what its fans claim, so consequently we can live a full and robust life without it – we really can.


So How Come We Have Canine Teeth if We’re Not Meant to Eat Meat?

Human history is littered with a near endless list of philosophers, politicians, thinkers, writers and historians who have tried to make sense of life, the universe and everything.

Take your pick from a whole range of subjects that relate to human existence – philosophy, politics, psychology, religion, sociology, economics and of course, teeth shape.  Wait, what?  Teeth-shape?

Often quoted by non-vegans who are trying to make some vague physiological point about the natural qualities of eating meat per their alleged canine shaped teeth - all four of them, kind of a little bit pointed – this theory really doesn’t hold up underneath the hazy light of even the most superficial scrutiny.

It’s peculiar because if you check out the canines of a real carnivore, like a lion, wolf or tiger, ideally through a set of binoculars, then you’ll be looking at teeth that are up to 6 inches long and can near tear through sheet metal.  If any of your non-vegan friends have those sort of teeth, then they need to be both suing their dentist and contacting the Guinness Book of Records.

On top of that, making decisions based on the shape of one’s body parts is kind of weird.  We all have stumps of tails at the bottom of our spines but this doesn’t mean that we should deem ourselves to be just like over-sized spider monkeys and start swinging around in the tree-tops of rain forests.


What Do You Eat, Just Salad?

Often to be found not far behind the perennial “where do you get your protein” line, this is another favourite of non-vegans. 

Bizarrely, within seconds of discovering that you are vegan, some non-vegans will magically transform into very vocal dieticians and nutritionists without the remotest clue as to what they are actually saying.  This becomes even more bewildering if they are blurting this out while wolfing down the remnants of a Big Mac.

Of course, as vegans, we know all too well how varied and diverse our diets can be.  Fruits, vegetables, nuts, lentils, rice, pasta, tempeh, tofu and hummus are of course just the very tip of Mount Vegan, with tons more to explore.

And if you actually break down what non-vegans actually consume meat-wise, more often than not it’s actually just four or five (unfortunate) animal sources that are consumed.  Removing those from a diet is hardly then plunging one’s meals into the abyss of boredom and continual salad consumption.

Put another way, it is of course quite feasible to have an exclusively non-meat diet and lead a full and healthy lifestyle.  On the other hand, living on a meat-only diet holds a high probability of ending up in a pretty dire situation pretty quickly.


Cavemen used to eat meat.  What’s the problem?

This is a variant of argumentum antiquitatum – the argument that because we’ve always done something means there is a good case for carrying on doing that – but with a little more Fred Flintstone thrown in.

Strangely, or rather completely not strangely at all, advocates of the caveman argument always overlook that “cavemen” often died in their thirties through what would now be relatively trivial things like the emergence of wisdom teeth or tonsillitis.

Our ancestors used to do a whole range of things that were all the rage back then, but maybe not so cool, or even remotely rational, now.

Take your pick from thinking that thunder was the gods being angry and everyone had to stop what they were doing and flee immediately, using leeches to treat leukaemia, or using any window of the house for access to the street-bathroom below.  Our ancestors have often done a whole range of things that now seem ludicrous, stomach-churning, or both.  We should learn from the past, not live in it.


If You Found Yourself on a Desert Island, You’d Be Forced to Eat Meat.

Chances are, if your non-vegan friends aren’t somehow magically transporting you back to prehistoric times, then a desert island is the next destination of choice.

The non-vegan argument is this.  A vegan is washed up on a desert island, following some kind of a boating disaster, with nothing else to eat there than the wild boars that happen to be living on the island too (presumably their porcine captained ship sank too.)

Again, this really doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. 

First, the wild boars are no doubt living off of something too.  So rather than being washed up ashore as a vegan, coming round on the beach and sitting up bolt upright and screaming “now give me meat!”, the sane approach would be to eat whatever plants the wild boars are eating.

Second, I may not be a geographer, but I’m pretty sure that there are no remote islands dotted about in the south Pacific that are mysteriously populated with wild boars and nothing else.

Third, I like to make my day-to-day decisions based upon the twenty-first century reality around me, as opposed to an abstract worst-case scenario that involves surviving a ship-wreck and living among hairy, wild pigs.

In no other scenario do non-vegans seem to conjure this desert-island fixation up.  Not for a second do I think that when a non-vegan goes about buying a house, for example, do they ever inquire with the vendor as to their bamboo-hut options or if they can have the roof of their condominium made from palm-leaves.


Plants have feelings too – how do you feel when you bite into a tomato?

Straight from the Big Book of Being Wired to the Moon, the plants have feelings line is always a jaw-dropper (showing off all those six-inch tiger like teeth), no matter how many times you hear it.

Plants having feelings is on a par with the Earth being flat, pots of gold being found at the end of rainbows and Elvis found to be working at your local juice-bar.

Anyone who can make an attempt to correlate the experience of biting into a tomato, with biting into the side of a Great Dane, is:

  1. Hopefully an Olympic sprinter if they try it;
  2. In need of professional help.

Add to that that a near infinite amount of plants are used to feed animals that are then slaughtered for meat and well, if plants have feelings, why are we feeding so many of them to animals?


I’m an animal lover too

Hate to break this to you non-vegans, but you can’t be an animal lover and be non-vegan at the same time.

Sure, you may be a cat-lover or a dog-lover, or both, but that makes you a “pet lover” not an animal lover.

It simply is a circle that can never be squared to try and make eating animal flesh to be on a par with loving animals.  Billions and billions of land animals are killed every year for their flesh, skins or other sordid human purposes. 

Going home at the end of the day to make a fuss over Tiddles as you make a beef casserole disqualifies you to any claim you may have about being an “animal lover.”

Only vegans get to legitimately hold this title.




4 Responses

Gerri Marston
Gerri Marston

I’m loving your blogs thanks! I’ve been vegan for nearly three years now and finding it super easy. I didn’t eat much meat or dairy before, but I’ve noticed how much better I feel with the added bonus of losing 6kgs. I’ll certainly never go back. There’s way too much cruelty in this world.

David Hewitt
David Hewitt

Hi Janice – your author here! So glad you liked. I enjoyed writing it too. Hope you stay tuned to Leafy Souls!

Janice mcgarrell
Janice mcgarrell

Iv just found Ur page n I’m so glad I did, iv just woke up n am sitting with a coffee n I have laughed my way through this post I luv it thanks for giving my day a good start x.

Janice mcgarrell
Janice mcgarrell

Iv just found Ur page n I’m so glad I did, iv just woke up n am sitting with a coffee n I have laughed my way through this post I luv it thanks for giving my day a good start x.

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